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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Please to Forgive

This site totally sucks when viewed on a smartphone.
I'll fix this Real Soon Now.

Ethical Search Engine Optimization by
Solving the Software Problem

We can contribute to the success of your business, your cause, your idea or your candidacy
through means you'd be proud to tell your mother about.

He Always Gives Free Samples
Because He Knows Full Well
Today's Young Innocent Faces
Will Be Tomorrow's Clientele.

-- Tom Lehrer, "The Old Dope Peddler"

Like the kindly man depicted in Tom Lehrer's heartwarming song, We Welieve In Doing Well By Doing Good.

Our promotion of our own sites in the search engines has met with many years of success, so we figured a good way to do just that would be to offer what is also known as "White Hat SEO" as a service to our clients.

Be Careful What You Ask For.
You Might Get It.

We are far less concerned that you retain our company for your Search Marketing effort than that you choose an SEO firm that's not going to get your company's website completely removed from the search engine indices, sued for Unfair and Deceptive Trade Practices by the United States Federal Trade Commission, or even have your company's officers prosecuted for violating criminal law.

We Are Absolutely Not Kidding!

Happens all the time, folks.

Name Your Poison

Songs & More Songs by Tom Lehrer cover

Songs & More Songs
by Tom Lehrer

[ Buy at Amazon]  

Search Engine Optimization Specialists are said to wear one of three different colors of hats, as depicted in the cowboy movies of the 1930s and 1940s such as The Lone Ranger:

We prefer to refer to "White Hat SEO" as "Ethical SEO" because, as depicted in Spike Lee's brilliant 1992 motion picture Malcolm X, to denote everything good as "White" or "Light", while everything bad is "Black" or "Dark" is quite bluntly racist:

Upon Malcolm's imprisonment for burglary, he is visited by a vision of The Honorable Elijah Mohammed, who commands Malcolm to systematically correct the usage of "Black" through the entire English Dictionary. After paying his debt to society, the now much-reformed Malcolm X joins the Nation of Islam movement, then works diligently to lift the cruelly downtrodden African American People from their lives of despair.

The two most important things to ask of any Search Marketing Consultant are:

If a Search Engine Optimization Consulting Firm is at all secretive about their methods, or if you must continually pay their "retainer" for Their Special Magic to continue promoting your business, the chances are pretty good that the methods they employ, while of some limited and ultimately temporary effectiveness, violate the policies all the search firms have made quite clear for many years, such as the Google Webmaster Guidelines:

These quality guidelines cover the most common forms of deceptive or manipulative behavior, but Google may respond negatively to other misleading practices not listed here (e.g. tricking users by registering misspellings of well-known websites). It's not safe to assume that just because a specific deceptive technique isn't included on this page, Google approves of it. Webmasters who spend their energies upholding the spirit of the basic principles will provide a much better user experience and subsequently enjoy better ranking than those who spend their time looking for loopholes they can exploit.

If you believe that another site is abusing Google's quality guidelines, please report that site at https://www.google.com/webmasters/tools/spamreport. Google prefers developing scalable and automated solutions to problems, so we attempt to minimize hand-to-hand spam fighting. The spam reports we receive are used to create scalable algorithms that recognize and block future spam attempts.

That last point about developing scalable algorithms is crucial for you to understand:

All of the search firms together are in an unending competition with the Unethical Search Marketing Firms.

Each successful search firm employs legions of Software Engineers, Computer Scientists - those are two different disciplines! - Artificial Intelligence Researchers, Linguists and Psychologists who work nonstop to invent new ways to use software and computer hardware alone to weed out unethical websites from their indices.

Among the many underhanded optimization techiniques are machine-generated content, "Link Farms", "Scraper" sites that steal content from legitimate sites so that they appear to have been written by actual human beings rather than computers, electronic mail spammers, websites that are "promoted" by Malware such as computer viruses that reset your browser's home page in a way that you cannot undo.

This list, quite tragically, goes on for a long, long ways. The Mind Simply Reels.

From time to time the word will get out in the "Underground" about a new "Method" for promoting one's website. Eventually this novel but undoubtably dishonest trick will become widely employed by the unethical SEOs, many of whom are in the employ of Organized Crime.

Unethical SEO, you see, is a great way to launder money, and so cover up one's enthusiasm for Drug Dealing, Illegal Gambling, Human Trafficking, Gun Running, Murder-for-Hire, the production and sale of Child Pornography as well as Official Corruption such as cops that are on the take.

The time inevitably arrives that this new way of "Gaming the Search Engines" results in enough websites appearing prominently enough in the results of searches for so many Keywords - the proper term is "Queries" - that the Spam-Fighters at each Search Firm determine to defeat it completely.

What that means to your company, as well as your hope for economic survival, is that if you pay an unethical firm marketing firm to promote your site - or learn their methods so you can employ them yourself - you will find yourself on the receiving end of what the folks at WebmasterWorld always name after powerful, destructive hurricanes:

One day, your site will be in the "Top Ten" at Google - that is, in the first page of results, or "SERPs", for "Search Engine Results Pages". Maybe you'll even claim the "I'm Feeling Lucky" prize!

Imagine then your dismay when the very next day, your entire website is nowheree to be found at Google.

The chances are pretty good that you will never find a way to get All of Your Hopes and Dreams back into Google's index.

Eventually all the other search firms - Microsoft's Bing, Russia's Yandex, China's Baidu and SoSo, the Czech Republic's Seznam - there are many, so one does will not to optimize just for Google! - will follow suit.

When that happens, your website and quite likely your business will forever be things of the past.

Please do not let that happen to you.

When You Do It Once, It's A Trick.
When You Do It Twice, It's A Method.

That was the advice of "Tommy": California Institute of Technology Professor Emeritus of Mathematics Tom Apostol, when Dulcinea founder Mike Crawford studied Calculus in his course while majoring in Astronomy there in 1982 and 1983.

To the extent that your tricks are legitimate and honest, you can optimize your site any way you please.

But many of the methods employed by Search Marketing Firms are quite technical and so require careful study, as well as specialized software tools such as applications that culculate such statistics as Keyword Frequency, Keyword Density as well as visualizing where on each page of their clients' sites each Keyword falls.

Our own experience is that such burdensome, tedious and - importantly - expensive labor is simply unnecessary!

Take time to browse Dulcinea's site; we get vast numbers of visitors every single day. It should not take long at all for you to get a good sense as to how we achieve such results.

The way we will tune up your business', social advocacy organization or political candidacy's "Presence on the Internet" will be the very same way we tuned up our own.

We are completely cool with you saving money by learning all of our methods by studying our site as a working example, as well as by reading the articles given below that detail our most important SEO Techniques.

Absolutely all that we ask in return is that if you find any of the articles, essays, rants or manifestos on our site to be helpful to you, that you lay their links into the hands of those why may be interested in or would benefit from them.

All our written material is available to everyone completely free of charge!

Our company's single most-fundamental Core Value is that teaching that could possibly be of benefit to anyone for any reason should be readily available to them without paying.

Everyone at Dulcinea Technologies Corporation comes from people who were and often still are of very modest means.

It is only because others lifted us up in the very same way that we now offer to lift you - through the publication of our site's written work - that we are now able to provide for ourselves at all, most of us by working at home.

Some of our material is even Free as in Freedom, in that is has the Creative Commons Attribution-Sharealike license. Provided you comply strictly with the detailed terms of the license itself, creative works that are published under Attribution-Sharealike permit you:

But with those rights come certain responsibilities; you may only do any of the above things under certain conditions:

Our Methods

We do not yet document all our methods in these essays, but only because we have so many techniques that we just have not yet had time devote to their write up.

None of our systems are any manner of Trade Secret. All will one day be well-documented at Dulcinea Technologies' Tips for Webmasters and Web Designers.

How to Promote Your Business on the Internet

Post useful and interesting content on your website. Visitors will link you, so you'll draw more visitors and improve your search engine position.

Painless Search Engine Site Submission

Ready-to-use links to the Add URL pages of the top search engines and directories. Spam, cookie and popup free, less aggravating than the "free" submission services.

Market Yourself: Tips for High-Tech Consultants

How to find quality consulting clients easily, without dealing with recruiters or the pain and embarrasment of cold calling.

This covers a lot about marketing in general that is not at all specific to any manner of consulting.

Use Validators and Load Generators to Test Your Web Applications

HTML validators ensure that your web pages are correctly formatted. Load generators stress-test your web servers to find performance problems.

Rigorous, regular testing of every single page on your website, even if your site consists solely of static documents without the use of a database or Content Management System, is quite a lot more important than most web designers, webmasters or even many software engineers think:

I was inspired to write it after being awakened from a sound sleep in the wee hours of the morning by the software engineering manager of a new, very well funded, venture-backed eCommerce site. They brought their site online live just in time for the Christmas shopping season of 2001. Despite being hosted on a $250,000.00 Sun UltraSparc Server, their entire site fell over under the extremely light load of just fifty users!

They had never load-tested their application during its development, you see, and so were completely unaware that it's very, very, very easy for programmers - even highly experienced Software Engineers - to introduce quite severe inefficiencies into any kind of software that far, far overwhelms the capacity of even very high-end hardware.

They expected me to fix their app by just chatting with them over the phone. What I actually told them to do was to set up every single one of their engineers with a load generator, as well as a performance profiler. They weren't real happy with that, but that's really all I could tell them to do. Frankly I am completely dumbfounded that they had not done that throughout the entire development of their website's eCommerce application.

Despite being backed by a whole bunch of venture firm, they were completely out of business within the year. I checked just now, and found that their original domain name redirects to an entirely different company's site.

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