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Jonathan Swift Sticks to the the Man

I regard most who pay me to write code as the very worst kind of criminals, and the software industry in general as A Den of Iniquity.

Jonathan Swift
swift@softwareproblem.net

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The breakfast rush is about to hit Shari's.

I managed to wear out my welcome at the Shari's on Mill Plain and I-205 in Vancouver, Washington by using up a valuable table throughout the very height of the breakfast rush, so the next time I intended to spend the night there, the manager said she'd be happy to serve me a meal, provided that when I was done eating I split the scene completely.

All-night restaurants with free Internet and power sockets are scarce these days so I never, ever pulled that stunt again. I soon must leave the Shari's where I'm at now.


I made a wonderful new friend tonight at Shari's. "Charlotte" - not here real name - is an artist who specializes in ink pen line drawings.

Most artists struggle for commercial success, but it has always been plainly apparent to me that so few artists are able to provide for themselves through their chosen trade not because their work is unknown, but that very few artists have any manner of clue as how to run a business.

Charlotte gave me a couple of nice prints of her work, but she reproduces them herself at great monetary and labor cost, and in very small quantities, on the photocopiers at a FedEx Office.

When I told her that I was heavily into drawing as well, she asked if I had any of my work on me. I did not, but she got very excited when I told her some of my drawings, photography and music were on my website:

She damn near went out of her tree when I showed her my drawings page.

She has always known that it's important for an artist to have her own website, but she has no idea how to actually create one for herself, despite that a very basic website such as my own Geometric Visions is not only easy and straightforward to create, but also cheap as dirt to operate.

I spend so much on my web design because I have a whole bunch of different websites. That's for reasons of Usability as well as what is known as Search Engine Optimization. That is, by having several different sites, each devoted to a different specific purpose, it's easier for those who want to find some "content" - writing, music, drawings, photography or videos - that I've got.

If all my content were just on Dulcinea's or GoingWare's one website, that one site wouldn't make any sense to anyone.

The work I do as a software engineer is often fascinating, and can pay quite well, but I regard most of the people who have ever paid me to write software for them as the very worst kind of criminals, and the software industry in general as A Den of Iniquity. I have such a hard time getting consulting work because I've posted essays about my efforts to reform the corruption that is endemic throughout my industry all over Creation.

I wrote a long, quite technical yet totally bizzare essay called Sermon at the Soup Kitchen back when I lived in Truro, Nova Scotia.

I work hard to perfect my craft of "Experimental Writing", most examples of which by other practitioners of the genre are even more bizarre than my own, the finest example of which doesn't even try to make any manner of grammatical sense, as James Joyce's Finnegan's Wake is naught but the sort of nonsense sounds that Irish toddlers make, and I expect they themselves hear, when they struggle to learn how to speak their own Mother Tongue.

In Sermon at the Soup Kitchen, I adopted the persona of an inner city Rescue Kitchen proprietor by the name of Mad Brother Mike who offered his colleagues in the computer business a hot, filling and nourishing home-cooked meal, but at the cost that they sit still and listen while I Rain Hellfire and Damnation down at their sorry lot on the vital importance of two rather arcane yet critically important software engineering concepts known as "Smart Pointers" and "Automated Testing".

Some of the essay is quite technical, but those are not in reality the important parts. Just skip over whatever does not make complete sense to you. From the Introduction:

October 28, 2005: I am working on a project with three young programmers and a manager. The oldest of the programmers is more than ten years younger than I. The manager Cliff Wiener is older, but has not a clue about programming other than how to check our code out of Subversion and type "make" to check our progress.

I was talking to my buddy Leo Baschy yesterday about it. Leo's around the same age I am. He is an absolute Rocket Scientist: he wrote the MacsBug 6.2 Macintosh Machine Debugger when he worked for Apple, and spent several years writing a a Document Access Control Server in Java that he initially target at legal professionals but that ultimately turned out to be today's leading solution for enforcing the Federal HIPAA Regulations governing the privacy of one's medical records.

Leo considered going into venture capital, but being old friends, he agreed instead to back the product launch of my upcoming iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch Product Warp Life.

While we do have plans to pursue an Initial Public Offering when the time is right, Federal Securities and Exchange Regulations governing insider trading forbid either Leo or I from saying any more at all about Dulcinea Technology Corporation's Wall Street Debut than that. I apologize, I really do, but one simply must obey The Law of the Land.

Leo Does Things Right. I told Leo I really enjoyed talking shop with someone who had a clue. But I said:

"When I talk to those guys about how to write better code I have the sense that their experience of me is like going to church."

"Many people go to church. How many are without Sin?"

"But I didn't learn to preach because I studied at the seminary. It's because I was a derelict on skid row until I was saved by..."

"... smart pointers and automated testing."

Cliff is widely regarded as one of the very finest Analog Circuit Design Engineers, but that he does not know how to develop software is evidenced by his initial solicitation of my consulting services going to some length to assure me that he had locked up tight the lawsuit against his company by China Integrated Circuit Design Corp., Ltd. for selling CIDC's Electronic Design Automation (EDA) package Zeni 4 , not only without paying CIDC's license fee, but by hiring a brilliant, young yet foolishly naive young coder to reverse-engineer their network licensing protocol and code up a flaty illegal drop-in, binary compatible license server.

Despite Cliff's prodigious wealth, he expected me to work for no monetary compensation but only equity in his company, without ever producing any manner of written contract to guarantee that I would ever receive any compensation - cash, equity or otherwise - then after ensuring that I had the chops, assigning as my second project the reverse-engineering of all of Zeni 4's EDA file binary formats through no more effort than what Cliff found written on a Tea Room wall somewhere would require - In His Exact Words - "Maybe ten lines of Perl", that what he had the testicles to call "Zeni 5" might import existing design documents.

During this work, I found that that same bright, young naive kid was struggling without any success to get all the crashes and unreproducible bugs out of "Zeni 5's" single most important tool - the Simulator if memory serves me - not only without Cliff giving that poor fucker the time to test his code or to fix any bugs in a way that they stay fixed, but without that kid ever having even heard of either Smart Pointers or Automated Testing.

Hay Cliff! I've Got Some Bad News for You!

Your old buddy Jonathan Swift often seeks insight from Google.

You Would Do Well
To Seek Defense Counsel

I'm not talking civil lawsuits hear. Given what I know about your software management expertise, what manner of stories might I regale the Food and Drug Adminstration about those Human-Life Critical Coronary Implant Chips whose electronic design you were managing as your day job while I worked for scratch, and to those three clueless children you refused to pitch so much as a few Shekels?

No doubt you have visions of lawsuit complaints dancing in your head, to which I reply:

Go Ahead, Make My Day

I can imagine no better way to spend my day than to haul your sorry ass into discovery, deposition, then into court, under oath and onto the witness stand. As your attorney - NOT! - I advise you that our Constitutional Right to "Take the Fifth", that is, to refuse to incriminate ourselves, only applies to criminal matters, not civil ones.

I grew weary of Cliff's workplace bullying after I spent a solid month of catching no end of crap from for not having just written those "Ten Lines of Perl" but spent twenty hour days seven days a week spent quite diligently - and successfully - reverse engineering the Zeni 4 Physical Design format.

As bad as Cliff gave it to me, that poor innocent kid got it far worse because his particular product was the very first tool that Cliff aimed to bring to market. Despite possessing The Wealth of Croseus, Cliff not only hurled the worst kind of abuse whenever he'd discover the slightest little problem with that kid's code, he neither allowed him time to fix his bugs nor time to so much as learn how to fix them.

When I gave Cliff the ultimatum that he order that kid to sit with me for but three weeks, while I worked with him first to teach him Exception-Safe C++ Software Design - of which Smart Pointers, more generally known as "Resource Allocation Is Initialization" or RAII are important components, as well as to develop an Automated Testing framework for his product, with the ultimate goal that every subroutine in his Electronic Design Automation tool would be Unit Tested, despite Cliff knowing full well that EDA tools are in themselves a form of Human Life Critical Software because Cliff himself led the design of tiny integrated circuit chips that are now fastened directly to beating human hearts, Cliff fired me.

While I was able to extract a modest stipend from Cliff that I could provide for myself and my wife, as well as pay her way through one of the finest art schools that has ever walked the Earth, if memory serves me, it was but four grand a month, a little less than half what coders with of my expertise, experience and education commanded to work but forty hours a week rather than over a hundred I actually did.

Cliff's crash pad for homeless and unpaid EDA tool software engineers in Chandler, Arizona just absolutely has to be the largest, finest custom-built home I ever set foot in. Despite that, he stiffed me out of my last ten day's pay.

Rather unexpectedly, as quite commonly occurs in my writing, I blindly stumbled upon what I have since then regarded as my single most-important written work. It's just a page and a half or so. What little technical content is found in it, is explained as best I was able to.

It concerns a Defense and Aerospace contractor called Morton Thiokol, but the kind of ethical lapse that Morton Thiokol's management committed is the very same kind of ethical lapse - albeit with far more serious consequences - I have witness Dam near every day since I wrote my very first commercial computer program for Sapiens Software in Santa Cruz during the Summer of 1986.

It would mean the world to me if you were to read, as well as to discuss among yourselves:

My father Charles Russell Crawford was an engineer too, an Electrical Engineer. Once a carpenter, he was inspired to enlist in the Navy one snowy evening while roofing a house when he struck his thumb real hard with a hammer. The Navy sensed my father's potential for leadership and so enrolled him not in the Naval Reserve Officers Training Corps, but a program meant to make officers of promising enlisted men. He met my mother Patricia Ann Speelmon at the University of Idaho. After graduation, he went on to Officer Candidate School then was given his commission.

My sister was born while they were still students. The telegram with news of my birth took two weeks to reach him: he was deep in the Phillipine jungle undergoing survival training, as the Vietnam War was just then getting ready to start: the year was 1964. My father's engineering specialty was antiaircraft missile avionics: their electrical guidance and control systems.

The lesson my father taught me, a lesson I only now, as I speak, realize for the first time I was ever taught, is to Do My Duty. You already know my father did his for his country. I want you to know that he did his duty to his family as a husband, father and provider, and he did it well. He did his duty as a teacher too: I learned chemistry - his first love, and mine as well - electronics, carpentry, auto repair and welding at my father's knee as we worked on projects together. Once we had a contest to see who could make a working telephone from stuff found lying around the house.

Engineers have other Masters who demand duty of us: our profession, our conscience, those who invest in, purchase or use what we design, our coworkers, and the public.

The kind of work I am best at, and would have no problem obtaining, which I could earn the most money for performing, with ecstatically happy and satisfied clients or employers only to happy to give me all the time and the money in the world to develop, is known as "Human Life Critical Fault-Tolerant Software".

I don't know if I've ever said this to you, but quite commonly when someone tells me their computer isn't working, say when a store cashier can't ring up my purchase because their cash register is now tied into a corporate Point of Sale (POS) system, I cheerfully and proudly proclaim:

I'm a Software Engineer! The reason your computer doesn't work is that someone just like me was slacking on the job.

But when someone who develops Human Life Critical Fault-Tolerant Software slacks on his job, things explode, airplanes fail out of the sky, missiles fail to strike their targets - which actually happened during the first Persian Gulf War, due to software bugs in the Patriot Missiles that tried, yet failed to defend Israel from Saddam Hussein's attempt to bring Israel into the war by hurling Medium Range Ballistic Missiles at his Jewish neighbors.

You may remember that I gave up my consulting business to take a salaryman job, not as a "Software Engineer" but a "Computer Programmer" at Trihedral Engineering of Bedford, Nova Scotia.

In Canada, it is illegal for one to call oneself an "Engineer" unless one possesses the very same kind of rigoroous certification and government-issued license that American Civil Engineers do.

Civil Engineers are properly called "Professional Engineers" or P.E.s. There are other kinds than the Civil Engineers who design, inspect and oversee the construction of safety-critical structures such as bridges and office towers. Many Mechanical, Chemical, Aeronautical and Nuclear Engineers are PEs as well.

Quite shamelessly, I flogged myself as a Software Engineer the whole time I resided in Canada - April 2000 through January 2001, then again from October 2003 to July 2007. I have to work so hard to find new work that by the time I returned to the States, I am quite certain that every last coder in the entire Canadian Confederation know that some guy in Truro, Nova Scotia was violating the law in all manner of spectacular ways by calling himself a Software Engineer rather than a Computer Programmer.

My - rather sadly, but really it's for the best - ex- wife Bonita Hatcher sponsored me for Landed Immigration. That's what Canucks call Permanent Residency, with one's Landed Immigrant Card being the Great White North's answer to Estados Unidos de America's Green Card. I actually had the gall to declare on my immigration application, Signed Under Penalty of Perjury as being Deported Right the Hell Back South of the Border, that I was a Software Engineer rather than a Computer Programmer.

I did so purposefully, cheerfully anticipating my struggling little Corporation getting hauled into court for its gross and cunningly premeditated violation of Canadian Federal and Nova Scotia Provincial Laws.

That's because I regard all but a few of my professional colleagues not as incompetent exactly, but so uncaring and unconcerned about not merely the well-being of their Fellow Man, not only his safety, but his very life, that my objective in flogging myself as an Engineer rather than a Programmer was to bring about a wholesale revision of the definition under Canadian Law of what a certified, licensed Software Engineer actually was.

The following is rather arcane and so hard to explain to anyone but another Coder.

(That's what I really do prefer to refer to myself as well as others who practice my trade. And coding is a trade, with little hope of becoming a profession during any of remaining time before our Ticks expire, thereby signaling our departure from the Material Plane. Many of us do call all of us coder, but we don't represent ourselves to the public, our employers or clients that way as it leads most to think we spend our time crafting 53kr17 M3553j1z. Computer Programs really are Codes, just not a Secret Codes.)

The reason I resigned in protest from Trihedral Engineering with such furious anger that when Bonita quite innocently questioned my decision, I hurled a full cup of coffee at our living room floor with such great force that the mug shattered into tiny, sharp shards all over our large living room, is that while Trihedral did generally practice Automated Testing - it they did not have the first clue as to what Smart Pointers even were, let alone why just one single failure to practice Exception-Safe Resource Management in just one single line of Trihedral's half million lines of source code could get someone killed, make airplanes fall out of the sky, or - I spent my first week at their Bedford office in their advanced training course with the Cheif Engineer of a Canadian Coast Guard vessel that spent most of it's time way, way up above the Arctic Circle - not only leave an entire Coast Guard ship and its crew stranded, their ship completely uncontrollable in iceberg infested waters, but with that ship failing to save the very lives of some Merchant Marine vessel's entire crew when their ship actually hit an iceberg.

"Human Machine Interface / Software Control And Data Acquisition" (HMI / SCADA) software just about has to be the very most Human Life Critical Fault-Tolerant Software in G-d Almighty's Wondrous Creation .

Just for grins, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration adevoted a couple years to the study as to whether Trihedral's Visual Tag System (VTS) HMI / SCADA Industrial Control System Package to determine whether it would take Humanity to Mars someday.

I don't aim to put TriHedral Engineering founder and President Glenn Wadden - Facebook, LinkedIn - behind bars for a few years for putting at risk the lives of heart patients as Cliff Wiener still does.

While Canada no longer has the death penalty, it does have the option of Life in Prison without Parole, appropriately just and stern discipline to teach errant young schoolboys such as my Young Glenny that Treason against one's Mother Country, as well as what would rightly be considered treason in every other country were Glenn Wadden its citizen and not that of Canada.

I am now totally thrashed and really have worn out my welcome here at Shari's, so I'd best finish up my T-Bone Steak and Eggs Breakfast despite it having grown cold hours ago, then move on via Multnomah County, Oregon's excellent MAX Light Rail Service to my next WiFi Cafe, eventually to get around to explaining, not to you sorry lot, but to the Canadian Coast Guard some ways - accompanied by "Minimal Test Cases", that is, the source code to and configuration of actual computer programs - that will quite trivially, quickly and completely reproducibly demonstrate that TriHedral's Alleged Software Development "Methodology" will one day leave one of their vessels stranded and completely without power way, way above the Arctic Circle, and how, were I but to lift a finger, from the comfort of my own home I myself could make a rather substantial industrial facility detonate just like a Bunker Buster Bomb, and my own take on one single copy of TriHedral Engineering's VTS HMI / SCADA application controlling a giant robotic automotible assembly plant, in Kentucky if memory serves me, for the production of a brand, spankin' new Toyota Pickup Truck every fifteen seconds .

[citation needed]

Every Fifteen Seconds? I find that hard to accept, but I clearly recall that figure. Can anyone dig up a link, press release or the name and location of that pickup truck plant? Without a doubt it was in Kentucky and it did make Light Trucks, at least at the time. I'm not so clear the make was Toyota. I recall "seconds"; perhaps it was "minutes".

One of my colleagues at TriHedral proudly announced that she'd found the cause of a memory leak - that is, the repeated allocation - or request from the system for resources - without ever deallocating or giving back to the system any of that memory when it was no longer needed - as the allocation of some memory in a certain subroutine without it ever being deallocation.

While that sounds just like borrowing money and never paying it back, in reality it's far worse:

The simple failure to return a resource - not just memory, but open files, network connections, database connections, database locks, distribued system or Symmetric Multiprocessing Mutual Eclusion resources such as Sempaphore or Atomic Integers - the simple failure to return a borrowed resource, while strictly speaking it's a leak, failures to return a small quantity of most forms of borrowed resources don't cause trouble. Most coders don't regard those as leaks at all.

What us Geeks really do refer to as leaks are such failures to deallocate that occur very quickly, the even if repeated only infrequently, are found in code - such as Trihedral's VTS HMI / SCADA Industrial Control System Software - that is left executing continuously for a long time, or if just a few allocation failures occur, the lent resources very important to return as soon as one possibly can: a single allocation of a large amount of memory or filesystem - loosely speaking, disk drive - space, or even just one single database, distributed system, Remote Procedure Call or Thead Lock.

Such memory leaks are just leak the very same deadbeat borrowing money from the very same loan officer at the very same branch of the very same bank, and commonly but not always, but often having their loan application approved for the the very same amount of money, then not only never paying any of those loans back, but never being put into collections, because that one clueless newbie sof a Loan Officer is not only too happy to lend you money whenever you're a little short on round-trip fare to Paris, but then totally spacing the fact that anyone at all had borrowed money.

Even when the bank's Forensic Accountants has their Ex-Loan Officer indicted, they have no hope of recovering their assets because they have no clue who the debtor even was!

ProTip

Lots of businesses hand out free matchbooks with ads for their shops printed on the covers. Keep a few such on you at all times. Even if you don't smoke, striking a light when a complete stranger requests one is a great way to make new friends.

Do not use a cigarrette lighter unless it's the old-fashioned metal kind that strikes a circular steel wheel on a flint.

Use a paper match, then, after Firing UP your new Homey's smoke, whip out a pen, jot your name and number, email or domain name on cover's inside and give them the entire book.

If you, as I, are self-employed, that Cancer Stick Victim you just doomed to an Early Grave might ring you up the very next day because her own business is looking to shell out for the very same warez that your own Industrial Cottage flogs.

What the Hey, who gives a damn about grieving widows, widowers, children whose father never sees them graduate Medical School, elected to Public Office or awarded The Nobel Peace Prize, once we have reached the Age of Majority, despite that the Tobacco Industry settled a lawsuit for mixing such Neurotoxins as Cadmium - while now largely banned because of the widespread Brain Damage long-term exposure to Cadmium Oil and Acrylic Paint suffered by once-promising, struggle young artists far, far out of proportion to the impact-caused Brain Injury that a pro ball player recently shot himself in the chest, with his Suicide Note leaving his National Football League bashed-in brain to Medical Science, because one has the right to make one's own decisions once one reaches The Age of Majority, it is the Constitutional Right of Every Citizen of These United States to roll your own Tobacco Cigarrette, with one's favorite choice of smoke coming from plants that taste good when inhaled deeply and slowly into one's lungs, being one's favorite Peace Pipe Leaf not because of the smoke, but because the Pouch Tobacco itself, rather than having a dingy brown color just like dirt, is the rich color of freshly dried Tobacco leaves, because the Discovery in that process forced the entire Tobacco industry to produce written documentation to the fact that, for quite a long time, and quite widely practiced, the not dark brown but, as a result of a brilliant Yellow and completely Natural color being added, an appetizingly rich Light Brown.

Q: Hey, Jon! What Natural Color could possibly have such a Brilliant Yellow Color?

A: Why, Cadmium Sulfide of course.

But artists painted with Cadmium Sulfide was not at all because less-toxic Yellow dyes were not available, but because Cadmium Sulfide is quite a stable chemical compound, so painting with Cadmium Yellow - there's a Cadmium Green as well - would result in one's Graffitti Tag being found on the ceiling of the Vatican's Sistine Chapel five thousand years hence.

If it lasts that long when painted on Plaster, how long do you suppose it lasts when chemically bonded to the lipid - or fatty - chemicals that are a critical component of every cell in the bodies of not just every Smoker, but most forms of Life?

Her patch - or correction to our product's source code - was to use the C++ delete operator at the end of that same subroutine, which patch demonstrably plugged the leak.

Those who pay coders to write software are quite oddly totally surprised when they find, before very long at all but quite sadly when they have invested so much into their product that they cannot just abandon it and start over again from scratch to do it the right way, that roughly half of bug fixes - which source code corrections really to verifiable correct the design defect they were intended to address, introduce completely new bugs roughly half the time.

I observed that myself in my own code before I ever got my very first coding job. The reason I am now not only the very best Debug Meister Who Walks the Earth these days, but that I can make my code run faster, use less memory, create documents for the end-user that are smaller and so not only require fewer kilobytes of space on their hard drive, but also will download over the Internet far faster, from slower, older, cheaper computers that have less memory, slower Microprocessors, older, slower, cheaper storage, with the result that any Internet server that transmits data produced by software I wrote costs less to operate, and, what's more, the Total Cost of Ownership of everything involved with that server is far lower than an equivalent server whose code was written by just about anyone else other than a Cybernetic Entomologist, is that the very instant I noticed that roughly half my patches introduced previously unknown bugs, is that, I first asked among my colleagues and our management whether this was their own experience, then upon finding that this statistic applied not only through the entire Software Industry at the time, but had been the case since long before I was born in 1964, and remains the case to this very day.

I started puzzling over what I know call The Software Problem when I was but a toddler of three, living on base at Mare Island Naval Shipyard in Vallejo, California, as of course Mom and Dad didn't want my impressionable mind to get the bright idea that firebombing a Recruiting Station at the height of the Vietnam War might be a responsible use for Matches once I was old enough, wise enough, educated enough and responsible enough to be trusted with my own books of matches.

Upon receiving the company-wide announcement of my coworkers regression, isolation and fix of what at the time was quite likely Trihedral's single most-serious product defect, email, I myself "Filed a Bug" - that is, reported "Defect Report" - against her specific fix then broadcast myto every Wet Behind the Ears "Computer Programmer" in the company - but not the "Engineers" as Trihedral's employees who had the Job Title of "Engineer" were not generally coders but professionally licensed Industrial Control System and Mechanical Engineers - with Yours Truly being the only TriHedral coder with the Cojones to call myself a "Software Engineer" in direct violation of all manner of well-established Canadian Legal Precedent - a stern, angry, concise yet well-supported, documented and informative, email regarding the importance of using Resource Allocation Is Initialization for the management of ALL resources - not just memory - in C++ programs.

One implements RAII for the management of memory resources in C++ and many other completely unrelated programming languages through the use of what the C++ Crowd refer to as "Smart Pointers".

If one does not use Smart Pointers to manage not just memory but - not quite all perhaps, but definitely most - resources in one's C++ products, they won't be "Exception Safe", that is, they will not respond to error conditions in a Fault-Tolerant, reliable or safe way.

There are many such error conditions that the C++ code's original software developer has absolute no control over whatsover, such as a network or power cable being kicked out of its socket when someone trips over it, or even being struck by lightning.

(Happens all the time folks: if lightning ever strikes anywhere you can see the sky flash, power down then unplug not just the power cords, but the network cables, Cable Internet Company coaxial cables, voice or DSL modems so that if a utility poles close to your pad suffered a direct hit, you wouldn't lose all those Discographies that you knew better than to back up to Google Storage. The Walls Have Ears, you see.)

I Humbly, Gently but Most Importantly Politely Request
That Every Last One Of You Cluelessly Ignorant Mother Fuckers
Heed The Hard-Won Advice of a Software ENGINEER
Who Started Writing Code
Long Before Most Of You Sorry Lot
Were Weaned from Your Mama's Swollen Titties

If the TriHedral Engineering Human-Life Critical but definitely NOT Fault-Tolerant Human-Machine Interface / Software Control and Data Acquisition Software known as VTS, just one single copy of which is the central control system for a Giant Robotic Automobile Assembly plant fails to use Smart Pointers in ONE SINGLE LINE of its HALF MILLION LINES of Source Code where it should use Smart Pointers but criminally and negligently fails to do so...

... That Human-Life Critical Industrial Control Systems Software will not be Exception-Safe.

If the single installation of a Human Machine Interface / Supervisory Control And Data Acquisition product used to control a Giant Robotic Automobile Assembly Plant is not Exception-Safe...

You Will Drop a Pickup Truck
On One of Your Plant's Workers
Thereby Making a Widow of His Wife Instantly.

My Fuck! does Routing Out the Greed , Incompetence and Corruption that are endemic throughout my industry make me hungry.

My two eggs (Over Easy) as yet untouched, with what's left of my T-Bone and my pancakes having turned into a science project, I find myself strangely appetized.

Should folks such as Cliff Wiener, Glenn Wadden as well as Seargant Sousa, Corporal Greg Zimmerman or Assistant Prosecuting Attorney Dan Gasperino find uncommon ability not merely to find both mental clarity and strength when moved to furious anger, they must note that among my many diagnoses of mental, neurological and endocrine disorders is to be found what New School for Social Research Psychologist David Shapiro first identified as "Obsessive-Compulsive Style" in his landmark 1965 diagnostic textbook Neurotic Styles.

(Where the Hell was I? I totally spaced what I was so on about. Oh yeah... That's the Ticket!)

The last time I actually checked, I was able to link directly to the opening page of Shapiro's chapter on Obsessive-Style in Neurotic Styles, which chapter was then and still is found on Google Books in its entirety. While I am yet able to claw my way slowly, patiently and angrily to that chapter's opening page by excruciatingly navigating Google Books' deeply complex and profoundly counterintuitive Counterfeit of a User Interface, I shall happily cut my stomach open with a rusty entrenching tool and serve you my own spleen on a silver platter were not merely myself but anyone at all who is not already possessed of the Security Clearance Classication and Compartment required to obtain a way to link to first page of the chapter about people who are, just like me, in a position not to be perpetually unemployed because we're not "Team Players", but who such as myself, regard Team Players not as the Solution to any Problem of any sort - not just Software Problems, but not as the Solution to any Problem of any sort.

Here's What You Do:

preview Neurotic Styles at Google Books.

Help Yourself to Some Samizdat

The sharing of files by any means whatsoever, whether Peer-to-Peer Filesharing over the Internet, or mailing CD-ROMs (Data Compact Discs), Audio Compact Discs, DVD Movies, DVD-ROMs, Blu-ray Videos or Blu-ray Data Discs, by loading up the biggest hard disk drive money can buy, mounting it in a combination FireWire, USB and eSATA Advanced Encryption Standard External Enclosure then keeping it in your Hot Rod's glovebox should you meet a similarly inclined Free Software Developer such as myself is completely legal provided one comply with the law that governs the reproduction of creative, artistic, literary or technical work in the jurisdiction in which that reproduction actually takes place.

Jesus ħ Christ, what These United States get not for being a signatory to the Berne Protection Racket for the MAFIAA Control of Literary and Artistic Work but for our Allegedly "Elected" Representatives, Senators, Vice President and President being in reality far worse than the sorry lot I'm working to drive out of Redmond, Washington and Silicon Valley, California in that they are On the Take from such organized crime syndicates as the Motion Picture Association of America, the Recording Industry Association of America and the American Association of Publishers, which - I SHIT YOU NOT must have The Balls of a Brass Monkey to devote much of its work to The Elimination of Public Libraries.

I gotta split.

I know Damn well every last Shari's waitress is quite pissed off that it's well past Noon and I'm still here with the Breakfast I ordered well before Dawn not half eaten.

(... To Be Continued...)