[Home | Contact | What's New? | Products | Services | Tips | Mike |
Living with Schizoaffective Disorder
The Frogd
[ Next | Previous | Contents | The Call of Duty | The Enemy Within ]

[an error occurred while processing this directive]

The Laborer

Where Do You Want To Spend Eternity Today?

Jonathan Swift

Sunday, March 28, 2010

I struggled with how to say all this for almost a year and a half. I knew what to say - I had the factual content down - but not how to say it. Presentation is everything you see.

Thus I was quite stoked when I was finally inspired to write not a single, purely factional essay, but two works of fiction. I have never been able to write fiction, but fiction gives me a tool that is largely unavailable to non-fiction writers. That tool is known as "Allegory".

I required but a few hours to conceive of everything I would write. Yet I faced a curious problem: when I get the idea for a non-fiction essay or article, I can just sit down and write the whole thing from beginning to end without pausing for meals or even to sleep. Writing these two allegories has not been that way.

In writing these stories I found myself overcome with weariness, at times total exhaustion. I would spend all day and into the night, often another day and another night without sleeping, while I contemplated what to write next. I was fortunate to get even two hours of writing out of every twenty-four of contemplation. My weariness eventually grew so bad that for the last few days, I have hardly been able to get out of bed.

My fatigue began to lift when I finally realized just why I am so tired. It is not any kind of physical exhaustion, but the result of the incredibly taxing mental effort that is required to solve an intractably complex problem.

While I was raised as a Christian - a Presbyterian - and was at one time very ardent, I no longer Believe, yet I still regard Jesus as a Great Teacher. I'm a bit rusty and so would have to brush up by reading my Bible, but I am completely comfortable debating Chapter and Verse with anyone who has been or ever will be Born Again.

I have my own personal concept of religion now. I am not yet able to find the words to explain most of it, but I can say this: I feel we are all put here to fulfill a specific, individual Purpose. But far from being any kind of burden, the greatest Joy that any Man, any Woman or any Child could ever know is first to determine the true nature of their Purpose, then to devote the rest of their lives towards Its Fulfillment.

I call that Fullfilment of our Purpose our Life's Work.

But we have two problems: no one other than ourselves can tell us what our Life's Work actually is. It is up to each of us as individuals to determine that, but sometimes we arrive at an incorrect solution. Such people will one day go to meet their Maker not with the comforting confidence that comes from taking pride in a job well done, but stricken with fear and desperation.

The other is that so many devote their lives towards the fulfillment of some other's purpose. There are some who are so dishonest and so cruel that they are only too happy to supply a false purpose to anyone who requests it. Much human misery results from devoting our lives towards some other's life work: by laboring in his factories or serving as fodder for his cannons.

I sensed my life's Purpose at a very early age, but I had many, often deeply disappointing false starts when I tried to determine Its true nature. Some of my false purposes would not have been so bad, and in fact provide nothing but Joy for those whom my false purposes are their true Life's Work. Armed but with the knowledge that my Purpose was waiting for me out there somewhere, once I was able to understand that such a Purpose even existed, I set out on a Journey to determine first the nature of my Purpose, then to devote the rest of my days towards Its Fulfillment.

My Purpose, the single solitary reason God Almighty Himself gave me the Gift of Life as well as the dual Gift and the Curse of Free Will, is to solve a single, intractably complex Puzzle. Once having solved that Puzzle, I was given a second Assignment: to write down the Solution to that Puzzle that others faced with similar Puzzles might use my Solution as a hint to guide them towards the Solutions of their own.

I have been so very tired the last while because these two allegorical works of fiction represent my written Solution to my Puzzle. I had to go to Hell and back to Solve this Problem; it is therefore very important to me to get my written Solution completely correct on my very first try.

The Frogd
[ Next | Previous | Contents | The Call of Duty | The Enemy Within ]

[Home | Contact | What's New? | Products | Services | Tips | Mike]