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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

I Understand That Cleanliness
is Next To Godliness

There was a surprise waiting for me when I got home last night.

Michael David Crawford, Baritone,

August 27, 2007

Copyright © 2007 Michael David Crawford. All Rights Reserved.

I'm more the opposite of that; how would one put it? Slovenliness is next to Hellishness? Throughout my life it's been a constant source of frustration to people like my mother, my roomates and my wife.

My landlord is a basically decent guy, and I think I got a great deal on the rent, but he has the rather annoying - and definitely illegal - habit of coming into our house whenever he pleases, without knocking or anything.

One afternoon he knocked on the door of my room and, when I answered it, he asked why I wasn't at work.

A few days ago he sent me a text message asking me to keep the kitchen cleaner. I had been leaving dirty dishes in the sink, and recycleable containers on the counter as we don't have a bin for them in the kitchen.

Well not anymore. Late last night I came home from Berkeley, and turned on the kitchen light to find...

... a giant cockroach in the middle of the kitchen floor. It had to be three centimetres long.

When the light hit him, he scurried under a cabinet, but there was no refuge for him there, as the linoleum flooring curved up underneath the cabinet overhang.

I searched for a weapon, grabbing an empty egg carton, and the chase was on. I finally managed to squash him.

Or thought I did. When I lifted the carton away, he wasn't there. But there were holes in the carton's lid - could he have gotten inside? I opened the lid and yes there he was, lying on his back in one of the egg receptacles.

I immediately felt bad for him. Yes, I know he was stealing food and probably spreads disease, but he was an innocent creature trying to do no more than to provide for himself, as I try to provide for myself and my wife. Perhaps he - or she - had a family. Who's going to tell his little ones that Daddy's never coming home again?

I threw the egg carton with him in it in the garbage bin outside. I don't know whether he was dead or alive. But if he was alive, he'd find plenty to eat in the garbage bin and would probably stay there.

I went back inside and washed the dishes then took the recycling to the bin outside. I washed my dishes again after I had supper.

I plan to buy a broom, mop, bucket and floor cleaner this weekend.

I figured I was fairly safe as all of my food that's in the cabinets is in sealed packages. Any open containers are in the fridge.

But this morning as I poured out my cornflakes I realized that I'd been leaving open cereal boxes in the cabinet. I wondered if I'd find a big tasty bug in my breakfast some morning.

One more item on my list: sealable plastic containers.

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