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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

My Secret Phase-Shifting
Sleep Plan

While I've never been a morning person,
I don't like working all alone in the office late at night.

Michael David Crawford, Baritone,

October 21, 2006

Copyright © 2006 Michael David Crawford. All Rights Reserved.

Yesterday and today I woke up at 1:30 PM. This was several hours after wrestling repeatedly with the snooze button on my alarm clock. But even so, it was progress, as before I had been getting up at 2:30.

This caused an idea to hatch in my mind: I will set my alarm to sleep late rather than attempt to get up early as I had tried, but an hour earlier each morning. So tonight before I go to bed, I'll set it for 12:30 PM tomorrow, then 11:30 AM the next night and so on.

My project manager, while not happy with the hours I keep, at least seems willing to live with them. I do get good work done, and a deadline approaches. But I've decided that even if they will let me arrive late, I don't like it myself:

Arriving late means I have to work late into the night, and I don't like it. It's lonely and creepy being all alone in that big office and there's no one to ask for help if I get stuck on a bug.

The fact that working out of my home was lonely was one of the prime considerations in giving up my self-employment. I don't want to have left my wife behind, moved to the other side of the continent to live in a city where I knew no one, only to continue sitting in an office alone all by myself.

Sometimes I do manage to make it in in the morning. I've never considered myself a morning person, but when I do manage to be awake in the morning, I now realize I kinda like the hustle and bustle of Vancouver mornings, and the hive of activity that is my office during the day.

I'm tempted to stay up late tonight writing. For the first time in about three weeks I really feel like writing, but I know if I do I'll fuck up my sleep schedule. I'll save it for tomorrow.

I just took my medicine. After I post this, I'll set my alarm. I expect I'll stay up for another hour, until 1 AM my time, then go to bed.

There's no getting around the fact that I need more sleep than most people do. I've always been that way, and lately I seem to need even more sleep than normal. So if I go to bed at one and set my alarm for twelve-thirty, that will be eleven and a half hours of sleep. That's actually about average for me.

One way I used to make up for that back when I was a consultant was to work twenty-hour shifts. But I slept very irregular. Bonita hated it, but grew to tolerate it.

My project manager left on a business trip today. He won't be back until the end of the month. He will be quite pleasantly surprised if he finds me able to attend all the morning meetings after he returns.

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