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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

My First Morning at
Downtown Portland's
CapitalOne Cafe

The HTML file name of a Business Insider article published last February
pigeonholed CapitalOne's cafe chain as "a cafe for millennials".

Michael David Crawford, Baritone,

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Lots of millennials hang out the very same cafes I myself do. Is CapitalOne to cut off the Oxygen to those very same cafes?

My having spent some time this morning at Downtown Portland's CapitalOne Cafe led to my conclusion that the CapitalOne Cafe serves - rather will serve - a completely different clientele than any of Starbucks, Peets, Case Study and Public Domain Coffees or Vancouver's Latte Da.

While I at first regarded CapitalOne as being equipped with the balls of a brass monkey when I was quite puzzled to discover a bank building a cafe directly opposite Starbucks across Morrison and Broadway, my experience of the last couple hours here lead me to regard CapitalOne Cafes as incredibly valuable public services to each of the communities they are found in.

Consider what I at first angrily regarded as a purely pragmatic decision of the bank having dropped a Chunk O' Change on real wooden floors spanning wide-open spaces with not many more tables than Starbucks as an avaricious Wall Street Financial Firm's strategy to seize the wallets of Portland's great many Nouveau Riche, a half-hour later I readily agreed with and accepting of CapitalOne's stated intention to provide Co-Working Spaces free of charge to the general public.

I absolutely love to write my Walls Of Text at Starbucks, Peets, Public Domain and Case Study but I never actually write code at any of them. While not insurmountable, every single day of my homelessness I faced the significant obstacle that my only hope to develop a program that I could one day sell so as to lift myself by my own bootstraps out of poverty required that I spend that entire day and well into into the night struggling to work in an environment that I cannot verbally explain but could instantly demonstrate to any Deeps was quite unlike what I have always required of my place of work:

For my home office and now my Permanent Desk in what over this Summer has a temporarily private office to both look just like bombs went off in them.

My ex is from Newfoundland, a large island in the North Atlantic North-East of Nova Scotia. (The Titanic sunk near Newfoundland with its victims later washing up on the Eastern beaches of Nova Scotia.)

Bonita pointed out that she did and all the other Newfies would regard me as a "streel". I usually define streel for Americans as "an unkempt person" but that does not capture the essence of the streel in its full glory:

While more commonly employed to deride women, men can be streels too: Bonita regarded me a "as lazy, dirty and slovenly" man.

For my workplace to look just like a bomb went off in it resulted in my experience of writing code their just like being As Happy As A Pig In Shit.

Not that I'm going to scatter my soiled Unmentionables all throughout CapitalOne's new Bazillion Dollar Co-Working Space that quite reasonably sells coffee with quite modest ads for its actual banking discreetly posted here and there, usually in a lower corner of whatever vertical architectural element it's posted on.


Capital One's new Bazillion Dollar Co-Working Space is what for me as a dedicated and diligent writer is my ideal Writing Workspace: a building architected in a mechanically sound yet esthetically understated quite beautiful way.

I report below that I quite uncommonly spent thirty-four hours with great mental clarity focussing intently on writing a whole bunch of articles, essays, rants and manifestos a few of which I am quite certain are among my entire life's very finest written works, my having spent all but four or five of those thirty-four hours seated at the large meeting table in NedSpace's main conference room I now conclude is the direct as well as expected expected result of every last detail found in as well as near NedSpace's main conference room having been architected in a mechanically sound yet esthetically understated quite beautiful way.

What will eventually become CapitalOne's caffeine-fiending clientele were at first the creators of its Cafe Target Market.

The intersection of Starbucks' Target Market and CapitalOne's while not tiny is surely quite small.

I chatted for a while with one of the Cafe's "Ambassadors" who I fully expected to flog Free Checking at me then soon accepted his assurance that neither advertising nor marketing are what Ambassadors actually do.

I explained that "I need to chill" due to my having devoted I Am Absolutely Serious thirty-four solid hours in what for me was an uncommonly precise focus on writing, posting first drafts at Facebook and at Soylent News, marking up in HTML 5, validating, posting at my personal web site then eMailing its link to a couple dozen friends, family, colleagues, friendly competitors, shrinks, and social workers all of whom enjoy reading my great many articles, essays, rants and manifestoes a few of whom are adoring fans then requesting the favor of their constructive criticism of my work.

When my MacBook Pro froze I was overcome with despair at having lost at least two, perhaps three essays I had entered into Soylent News' comments or submissions forms then left dumbstruck when I accepted Chrome's offer to restore my session then experienced first-hand what I have always as what would be for every website that implemented it a Killer Features:

Chrome quite miraculously restored each of two or three essays text back into Soylent News' comments or submissions forms!

I need to chill. Remember that I need to chill?


In reality I needed to stop talking with my new homey the Ambassador so I could find an out-of-the way place such as the "Nook" that my new homey directed me to and in which I now site quite quietly and non-verbally...

... writing.

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