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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Grim Studies:
A Random Walk Down Memory Lane

"My friend, you would not tell with such high zest to children ardent for some desperate glory,
the old Lie: Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori."
-- Wilfred Owens

I started writing this in hopes of somehow easing my mind after reading journalist Dan Southerland's retrospective of his work during the Cambodian Civil War that took place from January 17th, 1968 through April 17th, 1975:

That the Khmer Rouge troops were so heavily indoctrinated to not so much as believe but to actually _experience_ a particularly bizarre form of Communist Reality led the people of Phnom Pen to say that the Khmer "seemed to come from another planet" when they took Phnom Pen on 1975's April 17th.

Many Khmer Rouge combat soldiers were children as young as twelve. That their minds had been captured by _someone_ is demonstrated by their willingness to "follow orders without hesitation" for example by shooting and killing their own "traitor parents".

Now y'alls have a deep insight into just _why_ I felt the need to ease my mind when I started writing this at what by now was nine solid _hours_ ago.

Hold On Tight, Fasten Your Seat Belts That You Will Be Prepared To Be Overcome By The Very Worst Kind Of Horror And Inconsolable Grief When Yourself So Strangely And Grimly Fascinated That You Quite Willingly Read The Wall Of Text That Follows.


I'm working on what I aim to self-publish in print a non-fiction partially-memoire of many of the life-altering experiences I've had as well as a partially-historical book entitled "The Kindness Of Strangers". In its section "Heroes" I quote British Army Officer Cadet Wilfred Owen's _horrifying_ poem "Dulce Et Decorum Est".

It describes in great detail a Poison Gas Attack upon his platoon's position. Owens' poem concludes with:

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

That's Owens own quote of the Roman lyrical poet Horace: "It is sweet and right to die for one's country.

Officer Cadet Owens earned four Victoria Crosses the night he died on November 4th, 1918 - but one week before he could have beat his sword into a plowshare.

I then write:

I remain skeptical of the common assertion that “Those who fail to study history are doomed to repeat it”. But I am certain of this:

Those of us who do study history are doomed to forever dwell in sorrow.

This because the study of history leads one to understand just why so very many innocents lived lives of Hellish torment and despair. To study history in any manner of detail has for my entire life led me to obsess on one single question:

How can people be so cruel?


My life-long interest in Cult Phenomena commenced in 1975 when I read Conservative Columnist Jack Anderson's reports on the strange events that took place just after April 17th, 1975 Khmer Rouge toppled the government of the Kingdom Of Cambodia then establish what the they called "Democratic Kampuchea".

TODO: Compare and contrast Orwells description of "doublespeak" to the widespread of of "Demacratic" as well as "People's" in the official names of Communist countries.

Also looked into Orwell's 1930s writing of the profound importance of saying or writing precisely what one means to say. He regarded linguistic precision as the most-effective defense, perhaps the only defense against Communist and Fascist Propaganda.

I'm not able to turn up any of Anderson's column in Web Search but I expect I can find them in of the Microfilm Archives found at larger libraries.

I was dismayed to read Anderson's report that Cambodian schoolchildren were being taught to report their own parents to the Secret Police. I was overcome with the very worst kind of horror and inconsolable grief not long after when Anderson wrote that every last Cambodian who wore eyeglasses disappeared overnight.

I by then had been wearing glasses myself for two or three years. There is a certain kind of Hardcore Communist who has a special hatred for us Intellectuals.


Paradoxically, there is a polar opposite kind of Communist who is heavily _into_ education, dedicated and diligent study as well as the lifelong reading of what most would rightly regard as difficult books:

That the young Ho Chi Minh was regarded as an exceptionally bright boy lead to his qualifying for a French education at an elite high school in Central Vietnam; several of Minh's classmates went on to join him as leaders of the North Vietnamese Communist Party.

That Minh got a kitchen job aboard a steamship enabled him to actually travel to France, then not long after he decided to travel the world by working aboard ships. Ho Chi Minh even lived in New York City from 1912 to 1913.


The Vietnamese Communist leaders were so deeply learned of French history in their own particular variety of Communist Thought be heavily influenced the theoretical foundations of the French Revolution.

TODO: Expand on the above by giving specific examples of the way a particular Vietname Communist theory drew upon a particular French Revolutionary theory

A French Revolutionary doctor by the name of Guillotin studied the history of Capital Punishment so as to come up with what the Revolutionaries regarded as - I Swear I'm Not Making This Up! - a truly *humane* means by which they could prevent the French Aristocracy from ever re-taking power.

There is reason to believe that Guillotin built an "improvement" on the design of a particular type of beheading device called a Gibbit. We don't know when the Halifax Gibbet was first used nor do we know how the first _recorded_ execution there was carried out in 1280.

Just now I am dumbstruck to read in Wikipedia's Guillotine article this rather prosaic sentence:

The [Halifax Gibbet] remained in use until Oliver Cromwell forbade capital punishment for petty theft.


Australia really _was_ a British Prison Colony.


That King George had a chronic, eventually _permanent_ mental illness that many today claim was a rare genetic blood disorder called Porphyria, so-named because it changes one's urine to the color that the Greek languages knows as "porphyra". That King George had Porphyria is now widely discredited with my reading leading me to regard the most-reliable theory as to the the source of His Majesty's Royal Madness as of all the batshit crazy thing: Medicinal Arsenic.

The Mind Simply Reels.


One of King George's episodes of mental decompensation resulted in Mother England's death row inmate's sentences being commuted to them being dropped off in Australia without so much as a Fare-Thee-Well.


Often denoted as "Imperial Purple", porphyra is a secretion produced by several species of Mediterranean predatory sea snails.


While I'm not able to turn up her name just now, a little girl who was sent to Australia for nothing more than stealing a small bit of bread is revered by many Australians in much the same way as many Christian's revere Jesus' mother Mary.


Vietnam was a French colony until the French Far East Expeditionary Corps was resoundingly defeated by the Communist Viet Minh insurgency during the March to May 1954 Battle Of Dien Bien Phu.

That the United States was _profoundly_ overconfident that the US and South Vietnam' war against North Vietnam would be nothing other than a tropical vacation is evidenced by the Viet Minh's tactics at Dien Bien Phu:

Wearing - I Am Absolute Serious - sandals cut from used automobile tires, the Viet Minh disassembled all their artillery and anti-aircraft guns, carried them by hand over mountainous terrain then dug tunnels through the mountains that surrounded the valley in which Dien Bien Phu is located.

The Viet Minh proceeded to Rain Death down upon the terrified Frenchmen.

The Viet Minh's emplacements were just inside the city end's of these tunnels, giving them effective cover from French fire.


This is Part One. Part One will continue in a day or three in Part Two.


Michael David Crawford
Portland, Oregon
Thursday, August 30th, 2018
4:16 AM

I Need To Stop Now.