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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder


9-1-1: "Emergency Dispatch. What are you reporting?"

"I cannot speak."

Michael David Crawford, Baritone,

Saturday, November 25, 2018

I'm in the Emergency Room for my Fourth Experience of Aphasia in both my Speech and my writing.

The second time I posted a Kuro5hin diary then was quite puzzled to find I'd written "I liked Caltech because they had sushi there".

Tech is a technical institute; they did not have sushi there. During my studies there I never ate sushi because I regarded raw fish as disgusting.

The same second time I got a Cranial CT scan, the third an MRI, all three times they tested my blood and my urine.

I passed a simple easy stroke test all four times: Smile Broadly, Open Both Eyes Wide, Raise Both Eyebrows, hold both arms straight forward horizontally, squeeze two of my nurse's fingers on both of her hands with both of mine; there were a few others.

This test usually catches strokes early on as all but a few strokes strike just one hemisphere of the brain. For one's movements or strength during these tests to be in any way different on one side of one's body from the other side indicates that the stroke occurred in the opposite lobe of the brain. For example, we perceive what our right ears hear in a structure in the left lobe of the brain.

Neither the staffs of all three hospitals, my outpatient witch doctors, my shrinks nor my regular doctors have ever had the first clue as to what keeps causing this nor how to prevent it.

Just now my ER doc told me he'd prescribe the anxiolytic - that is, the anti-axiety drug - Ativan (lorazepam), which is also effective at treating brain seizures and if I understand correctly stroke as well.

From May 2010 to July 2014 I had at least eight brain seizures, four of which led to my entering Dissociative Fugues for as long as a month but in my own conscious experience felt to me as if I'd been unconscious for less than a second.

That I have such a severe mental illness led one of my ambulance's Emergency Medical Technicians to suggest this may be a Psychosomatic Illness. I had one such for twenty-five years, but when it finally occurred to me to consider it could be Psychosomatic I was delightfully puzzled to discover that I could make it go away then come back just by thinking about doing so.

That I'm so insightful about my Madness and so eloquent at writing about it leads some shrinks and witch doctors - some aren't my doctors, rather my friends - to regard me as The Second Coming Of Christ.

Just now I got a cranial CT scan. The Diagnostic Radiologist will give my ER doc his report in a half hour. Half an hour ago took one milligram of Ativan; two would have put me right to sleep.

If my brain scan turns up normal my doc says he'll discharge me, but this is the first time an Emergency Room doctor will refer me to an outpatient Neurologist, from who I will request an Electroencephalograph Test.

There's a startup in Eugene, Oregon which makes EEG probes that are far more sensitive than the usual fine wires with small electrodes that are placed one one's scalp. That Eugene company's probes are attached to a one centimeter mesh that is draped over one's head.

The Ativan is making me sleepy so I'll chill for a while.

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