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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

When It Rains It Pours,
My Suddenly Complicated Love Life

I have three girlfriends now: a crazy woman, a jealous woman and a kind-hearted woman.

One of them does not - yet - know about either of the two others. Those two others know about that first one but the two of them do not know about each other.

I regard this as quite a serious problem. While some are into dating more than one, and some are OK for their partner to actually do so, I am not and never have been.

Sarah Is Insane.

"Cheri" - not her real name - is very French, very hot and very jealous of Sarah.

"Renata" - not her real name - has deep roots in the Philippines. She and I had a long distance relationship for a few months last year, after she threw her previous beau out for being unfaithful.

But he and Renata had been together for quite a long time; he helped put all four of her kids through college. Other than infidelity, I have every reason to believe Renata when she said he was a good man.

She took him in, then a while later, threw him back out, I expect for good this time.

Sarah and Cheri are young enough to have children. Cheri has a boy of two or maybe three; as far as I can tell from America, Cheri is quite a good mother to her son.

Sarah wants children but cannot have them until she has been in recovery from her Heroin and Benzodiazepine - Xanax, Ativan and the like - until in my own estimation she has gone three years without relapsing.

But there is absolutely no way to get Sarah into DeTox until we find some way to control her quite severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

OCD is driven by Anxiety; she also has Generalized Anxiety Disorder. That Sarah got hooked on Xanax is due to a pill-pusher having prescribed it every day. That did not have to happen as there are some Antidepressants that also work really well for Anxiety.

OCD develops when an otherwise anxious person finds some activity that comforts them; for me, it is writing. At one time but no longer it was playing the piano. That I continue to play is due to interest and pleasure as well as my hope to be a professional musician, but no longer due to anxiety.

This results in a death spiral until the only way the Obsessive can ever get any peace is to practice their chosen compulsion - and it is chosen, though perhaps subconsciously.

Sarah pinches.

And pinches and pinches and pinches. She will move to a new spot after she lacerates herself - she's got scars all over her body, even her lovely face that are not needle tracks.

Within seconds she is memorized. I tried taking her hand away, fearing I would upset her. But no she thanked me then asked that I do so every time I see her pinching. Simply to take her hand away did not prevent her from pinching again, so I suggested squeeze my hand as tightly as she could. That gives her perhaps one minute of relief.

My good friend Chelsea Baumgartner has another friend with OCD; Chelsea suggested "Replacement Therapy". The experience of a lover with Borderline Personality Disorder was that Origami was completely effective at stopping her slashing of her own wrists - even with her fingernails when in a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit.

I showed Sarah how to fold a Peace Crane - a paper bird. It is said that to fold one thousand of them will bring about World Peace.

Sarah was delighted but the Peace Crane is far too difficult a fold for total newbies.

Chelsea offered to meet me that she may give me some Origami Paper, but since then I have not seen Sarah in two weeks.

When I offered to visit her, Sarah was quite pleased but that night she was working: whenever I got to where Sarah had agreed to meet, some new John had rung her up then drove her to a hotel somewhere far away. Finally Sarah advised me to go to NedSpace so I wouldn't miss the last train.

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