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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

HOWTO Escape Madness:
Work Within the Rules

In many ways, Dissociation is the very worst form of Madness.

Michael David Crawford, Baritone,
mdcrawford@gmail.com

Friday, December 14th, 2018

do you ever think all these things are real or are they some function of your disorder? Bonita, oggfrog, etc?

I'm not giving you a raft of shit, I am genuinely curious?

Actually I do. That was at one time quite a serious problem for me.

Are you familiar with a philosophy called Solipsism?

I was at once convinced that I was the only person in the entire Universe, with you, K5 and even Jason being just hallucinations.

Just once - Thank Our Almighty G-d - I knew I was in a hallucination, however I did not know how to escape it.

It was quite frightening: I got attacked by an inflatable clown.

Punching it was of no use, as its bottom was round and weighted with sand.

But I eventually clued into stopping my own hallucination just the same way I can make Schizophrenics stop just by talking to them.

A Psych Nurse watched my first time at actually doing so. I quietly asked if she'd seen me do it - "Yes" - then asked her why it worked:

You entered his reality. If you can figure out the rules that apply there, you can bring him some relief.

A deeply faithful man was being tormented by the Devil. Bernard just asked me to say a blessing over him.

So escaped my world of Madness by working within the rules of my own fevered imagination.

The next time the inflatable clown hurled itself at me, I shouted:

"STOP!"

Then the clown disappeared, to be replaced by a couple Ninjas. Again when they attacked me, I threw a punch at one while shouting "STOP!" again.

There were a couple more attacks I stopped the same way.

Slowly at first, but faster and faster my fever-dream faded away, to be replaced by my room in Mom's condo.

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