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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Parental Control as the Origin
of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

In "Neurotic Styles" David Shapiro writes of the Obsessive-Compulsive's unawareness that
their compliance to abritrary rules "as if on a track laid out for him" are self-imposed.

Michael David Crawford, Baritone,

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Psychiatrist Hugh Maguire MD of the Colchester-East Hants Health Authority in Truro, Nova Scotia explained to me what he denoted as the "Five Axes of Psychiatric Diagnosis" thus:

I. Biological Mental Illnesses

Bipolar Affective Disorder is undoubtably genetic while Schizophrenia is likely the result of infectious disease of the brain.

II. Psychological Neuroses

Most commonly the result of such childhood traumas as sexual abuse, Axis II diagnoses can arise from adult traumas such as the combat soldier's Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

III. Medical or Physical Disorders

It's likely that I have cancer of the kidney.

IV. Stressors

For me at the time Dr. Maguire explained the Axes to me, I was under a great deal of financial stress. At other times in my life, my experience of stress had to do with my romantic relationships with women.

V. General Level of Functioning

It's a quite common misunderstanding that mentally ill folks can't hold jobs and must spend our lives in state mental hospitals, cared for by our families or leading lives of grim desperation on the street. CNN Founder Ted Turner is open about his Manic Depression; Johns Hopkins Research Psychologist Kay Redfield Jamison discussed her own experience of Manic Depression in her autobiography An Unquiet Mind.

Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler were both high-functioning paranoids. I expect both were particularly severe examples of Paranoid Personality Disorder but have not yet looked into what the clinical literature has to say about them.

I myself was two grades above Senior Software Engineer when I worked as a Principal Software Engineer for Applied Micro Circuits Corporation in 2007 and 2008. My salary was $130,000 per year with excellent benefits. My Bipolar-Type Schizoaffective Disorder led to my five years of homelessness starting in the Fall of 2011.

These five Axes were introduce to the Mental Health profession when the Diagnostic And Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) was published in 1994. For reasons I am as yet unaware of the DSM-V does away with Multi-Axial Diagnosis.

Example of an Axis II Diagnosis

In May 1994, Dr. K interrupted one of our therapy sessions to say "I think it's time". She went to her desk then withdrew a thick stack of pages photocopied from David Shapiro's profoundly-insightful 1965 text Neurotic Styles.

I ask you but for a moment to contemplate your own reaction would be were you to find your entire life discussed in great detail in a book written when you were just one year old.

One week later I begged Dr. K to admit me to a mental hospital. "No Mike, you don't need to go to the hospital."

TODO: Explain why she felt I needed to be admitted.

Two weeks later Dr. K begged me to accompany her to a mental hospital in her car. When I protested, Dr. K asserted that "Mike, your software is buggy".

While I disagreed, I did then and still do love Dr. K as if she were my own mother.

The Unit's Intake Psychologist Joan Junqueira asked me "Why are you here?"

"I have gone through The Looking Glass."

"I don't understand."

That others were unable to follow me had been a problem for the last few days. Then:

"We are on a Chess Board. You are on the White Squares. I am on a Black one."

"In my understanding, in more-traditional cultures the Schizoaffectives are the Shamans."

My entire life made complete sense to me then. I no longer had trouble communicating after that.

Dr. Junqueira went on to suggest that I was experiencing what the DSM-IV denoted as a Spiritual Emergency.

Or so I remember. There is also "Spiritual Emergence". I must study the definition of each before I correct my memory of Dr. Junqueira's hypothesis.

I was then and am now convinced Dr. Junqueira was right.

The addition of an additional symptom, a "Notoriously Inflexible Self-Righteous Anger" led to Obsessive-Compulsive Style now being denoted as "Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder".

Ever since I read Dr. K's photocopy I have been convinced that my diagnosis of OCPD was made in Rosemead, California during the Summer of 1985 when an Alhambra Community Psychiatric Center Psychological Testing Specialist scored my responses to each of the:

That neither my Therapist nor my Psychiatrist during that fateful Summer chose not to reveal my Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder to me I am convinced was due to their expectation that I was not yet ready to Hear The Truth.

Perhaps - just perhaps - May of 1994 was too soon as well.


Personality Disorder: OCPD is quite a different thing than the more-familiar Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: OCPD vs. OCD. The oft-metaphorical language of Psychology is commonly far less price than the languages of Physics or Mathematics.

OCPD as well as - at times but not always - Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder are both of my Axes II diagnoses.

In my own experience as well as my observations of other OCPD folks leads me to suggest that OCPD most-commonly arises from the sufferer's profound agony over being unable to control their own childhood experience.

Perhaps you're familiar with Bud Cort's portrayal of the severely-withdrawn Harold as well as Vivian Pickles' brilliant work of portraying Harold's profoundly controlling motherin the motion picture Harold and Maude.

Perhaps Harold and Maude is your very favorite movie.


My Own Personal Experience of Being Unable
to Control My Own Childhood

I remember like it was yesterday my very first birthday after I learned to write. I had a grand old time.

When Mom gave me a pencil and a pack of children's thank-you stationery I eagerly set into thanking each and every one of my guests for their wondrous gifts.

That's when Mom's Ban-Hammer came down. She quite cheerfully pointed out that every last one of my notes was wrong. She quite cheerfully demanded I write them in a certain specific way that she ever-so-clearly explained to me.

While my mother's ISO-Standard Thank You Note specifications would make a great deal of sense for a new bride's thank-you notes to her wedding guest, my own mother's demands made little sense for a seven year old boy.

She and I went back and forth like this until the sixth grade when I struggled mightily to satisfy my mother's demands. When she again found fault with my very first thank-you note I passed out cold on our dining room table. The very last thing I heard before losing consciousness was my her desperate cry to my father:

"What is wrong with him?!?!"

That's the specific reason why I hated all forms of writing with such a furious passion until I graduated high school at the age of sixteen:

In the Spring of 1980 I wrote the California High School Proficiency Examination - it's somewhat more rigorous than the nationwide GED - followed that Summer by enrolling in Solano Community College's English Composition class. By doing so I hoped that my College experience would not be ruined by being forced to write in English Comp.

That's when I discovered my Great Love of Writing.

I was the only one from the Fairfield, California Armijo High Class of 1982 Advanced Placement English class to get a perfect score of five on that year's AP English Examination.

Perhaps nothing at all was wrong with me


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