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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Why Permanent Assistive Housing
Makes Us Crazy People Even Crazier

To live alone quite frequently makes us mentally ill decompensate.

While I am quite touched by your expressions of care and concern for my well-being, that you regard my apartment as somehow helpful to me belies your own profound lack of insight into the nature of mental illness as well as your similarly-profound lack of insight into my most deeply-held values that result in my dedicated and diligent service to humanity.

There is but one thing that is even capable of giving my mental well-being truly serious trouble. Just. One. Thing:

That's It.

I explained why in great detail in May 2003, in The Reality Construction Kit:

One of the other factors in creating a cult is for the group to become isolated. The isolation contributes to the cult members losing their grip on reality. There really is no such thing as "normal" in society - at best there is only what is average, or commonly experienced by most people. If someone strays too far from the mean, their interactions with others will tend to correct them. The lack of that correction is what causes the isolation that many of the mentally ill experience to make them sicker. When a group gets isolated, that's how a charismatic but delusional leader can bend the minds of otherwise healthy people.

The very first thing my very first psychotherapist Jacqueline Mills PhD of Brentwood Psychotherapy said to me during our very first session after my discharge from my very first psychiatric inpatient admission was:

"Never Live Alone."

That I was until last week willing to live in a one-bedroom apartment - without anyone else living in my same space - was due to only two reasons:

I have both of those now: Portland Custom Software Development just got paid FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, my present client will pay me five grand upon my completion of his macOS device driver and I have two other clients who are both waiting for me to complete my current contract.

I Have Not Yet Begun To Place Paid Advertisements.

That I was homeless for five years was the result of one of those deeply-held values: I object vehemently to availing myself of scarce resources that could be put to better use by someone else. During my five years on the street, I was offered free housing several times by several different agencies. Each time I refused, always with the very same reply: "I want that housing to go to someone who doesn't know how to survive on the street".

Once A Boy Scout, Always A Boy Scout: I have the Wilderness Survival Merit Badge.

My friend Barnaby is a profoundly blind man who - when he is lucky enough to win the bed lottery - sleeps at the Portland Rescue Mission. Why do I get to sleep in a comfortably warm bed when Barnaby has to sleep on a sheet of cardboard under a bridge?

The regulations behind the Federal Housing and Urban Development Administration's "Permanent Assistive Housing" program specifically require that its clients live alone. One is not permitted to have roommates! The program only covers one bedroom apartments.

Whoever the Great Humanitarian was who came up with that Deep Insight Into The Nature Of Reality had his head so far up his ass that he can see the sunshine coming in through nostrils.

I reality, to have lived alone in my rent-free apartment since May 2, 2016 has been a tremendous struggle for me. The only reason my apartment didn't cast me headlong into suicidal depression is that - at first - my ability to earn some coin through singing on the street enabled me to hang out at Starbucks and Peets and so spend my entire days among other people.

After I pointed this fact out to my case managers at Community Services Northwest, At Shar Ludwig and Jason Arnold then later Michelle Quesada each proceeded to quite regularly pick me up from my apartment then drive me to Starbucks where we would have coffee and conversation.

When Fresco Logic of Beaverton retained me to write macOS USB Function Drivers, I requested to work on-site for the specific reason that to work from home was so cruelly isolating.

My Exact Words:

"I would not wish remote work on my worst enemy."

That's why I am happily dropping $375 per month on my desk at the NedSpace co-working facility: to escape the profound, often suicidal depression that always results when I work from home for any real length of time.

It's not just my co-workers at NedSpace but that during my frequent breaks I can walk about downtown, sometimes so far as over the Willamette into South-East Portland, up Grand or Martin Luther King then back over the river and so back to NedSpace.

What turns out to work the very best for me is to leave home in the early afternoon one day, spend that whole afternoon hanging out at a downtown Portland cafe then to work overnight - yes, I pull all-nighters here on a regular basis - to continue that work through most of the following day, then to return home on the C-TRAN #105 Vancouver-Portland Express Bus at five or six o'clock in the afternoon.

Once I've moved back into the new tent I will purchase WITH MONEY I EARNED THROUGH THE SWEAT OF MY OWN BROW I won't have to ride the bus anymore. That will save me a few bucks each day as well as an hour each day of commute time.

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