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HOWTO Win A Cold War
When It Suddenly Grows Hot

Ann totally freaked when I suggested there might still
be a pocket nuke buried underground somewhere near Onizuka.

Michael David Crawford, Consulting Software Engineer
Solving The Software Problem
mdcrawford@gmail.com

Friday, July 3 2015

I will not have you use my dead father's memory for your sick schemes.

Ann, you don't understand. Your father did a service to us all.

-- My Facebook wall, regarding Physicist Stuart Brolly PhD, a Lockheed engineer at Onizuka Air Force Station

Onizuka was America's ground station for our first spy satellites, unfortunately despite that the Air Force, National Reconnaissance Office, the Central Intelligence Agency as well as Maine Revenue Services selected Sunnyvale, California because it was such a great radio-quiet location, they failed to clue into that it might be a good idea to buy up all the land in South San Francisco Bay.

I am not fucking kidding that a whole bunch of times I walked within roughly thirty feet of one of our spy satellite uplinks. Every fifteen feet or so on the seventeen-foot barbed wire fence was a stern, angry notice that it is a felony to make pencil sketches of the facility.

See, the reason we have Silicon Valley is not because of Gordon Moore, Gene Amdahl, Los Dos Stevos, Hewlitt, Packard, Dave Johnson, Bob Polaro, Mike Green, any amount of garages nor my deep insight into the nature of reality, but because of all the toys that Onizuka required, either for use inside The Blue Cube or aboard one of The Free World's birds.

Ann's father never spoke to me about his work, actually I thought he worked at Lockheed's facility on Empire Grade in the Santa Cruz Mountains, but I expect he designed lots of those gadgets.


I just got off the phone with the Portland FBI because I am concerned that America is at War with The Soviet Union.

I wasn't able to reach Who Moved My Cheese on the phone just now, see.

It wasn't so much that she is asleep by now - honestly I expected her to be awake, perhaps she's just out dancing - but the response I got from Ma Bell when I tried to call.

I attempted yet strictly failed to report the problem by calling 6-1-1. That number exists for the specific problem of reporting telephone service outages.

There were eleven fiber cuts around San Francisco, somehow Amazon's Boston center dropped dead, then if I understand correctly there was another cut in Livermore, or maybe that was one of the eleven rather than a twelfth.

I've been seeing flaky Internet from here all along however I figured it was due to what appear to be local services in reality being in the Bay Area.

The Way To Win A Cold War When It Suddenly Grows Hot is not the frontal assault of a Nuclear First Strike.

No.

Instead you totally decimate your opponents every ability to defend himself and then - and ONLY then - launch your missiles.

If you do it right you won't have to launch a whole lot of them.

Ann totally freaked when I suggested there might still be a pocket nuke buried underground somewhere near Onizuka. There are some residential neighborhoods.

Russians have a hard time with English, quite ironically it is not hard at all for Americans to speak Russian quite well, however one may obtain a Doctorate in English from Moscow State University.

My Dad bought this really high-end short-wave radio while we lived in Italy. In 1981 or so, I grew concerned that I would have Hell to pay when Dad puzzled over what I was listening to on the radio then totally pissed himself laughing when the newscaster identified the station as Radio Moscow.

That's the only time I've ever listened to it, but in 1981 at least, Radio Moscow spoke better English than I did, no accent whatsoever.

So anyway maybe someone with a PhD in English finds work driving a forklift in Santa Clara, saves up his down payment, he and Mrs. Kagabayshnik celebrate with a bottle of Dom Perignon that their mortgage was approved so they can finally purchase their dream home a block or two away from Ann's father's office.

Not long ago I read of a Soviet defector who claimed that such pocket nukes are buried all over America. IIRC one such was actually found with his kind assistance.

Actually to take out Onizuka would have been trivial I could have done so after a little practice with the kind of slingshot that some enterprising little neighbor of mine used to hunt quail in the park near our homes.

That would have been unpleasant but a sniper rifle would enable one to take out all the satellite dishes then head out for one's day driving forklifts at the warehouse.

Not that one shoots a hole through the dish but that one shoots of the dish's Cassegrain secondary reflector.

In the case of the Onizuka antennae, there is not just one reflector but a small, slowly rotating array of three of them. I expect that's done because the satellites transmit at very low power, so as to make it more difficult for The Red Menace to listen in.

One alternately samples the satellite signal, then the cosmic background radiation, that subtracts off the background. That's commonly done in radio and thermal infrared astronomy as well.

C^3I

Command, Communications, Control and Intelligence.

The military is heavily into that. Whenever America attacks anyone, the very first thing we do is fire missiles at all of the enemy's antennae, followed up by radio jamming from Electronic Warfare aircraft.

Were the Russian Federation to attack America, in the present day, without a doubt the very most effective way to do so would be to cut lots of our fiber.

The FBI is reported in the local newspaper to have speculated that whoever is cutting the fiber is dressing up like utility company employees, driving around in white fans with electricians ladders on top of them and the like.

But I happened across lots of "WARNING: Underground Fiber Optic Cable. Call 1-(800) HRS-COCK before digging. Level 3 Communications" on my sojourn from Santa Cruz to Oceano Dunes State Beach. Level 3 in particular spraypainted graffiti all over the sidewalks of San Luis Obispo so as to ensure Vasha would know where to start jack-hammering.

Try a few traceroutes from the computer you have right now, to any server anywhere.

Back in the day I would find only a few hops by tracerouting any server anywhere in the world, but when I do so from Salmon Creek via earthlink dialup to warplife.com in Morally Inflexible's cage at Hurricane Electric in Fremont, I get dozens of hops.

If I traceroute a few times, there are fewer and fewer hops. That's why I like to Roto-Rooter The Tubes with a few "$ sudo ping -f's" each day when I start work.

Now I know very well why one should not use ping floods so I do so judiciously. The only time I've ever had the problem was when I got the idea to ping flood the NSA and the CIA at the same time while hanging at Peets in downtown Portland.

Your Mission, Should You Decide To Accept It

Use dig or whois to look up the nameservers for a few domains.

Ping each of the nameservers.

It's not unreasonable that one or two might not answer pings, but if you find that a whole bunch of nameservers have disappeared into the ether, quite likely there is a fiber cut somewhere near you as well.

Also try dropping a dime to a few friends. Who Moved My Cheese lives on the other side of Portland from where I am, just north of Vancouver, Washington.

If you do have any reason to believe you found a fiber cut, dial 6-1-1 to report the outage to your phone company.

If, as was my own experience, 6-1-1 does not work for you, then May G-d Have Mercy On Us All.

-- Michael David Crawford, Consulting Software Engineer
Solving the Software Problem Salmon Creek, Washington
mdcrawford@gmail.com

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