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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Please to Forgive

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Magic the Gathering
Online Exchange's
BitCoin Cookbook

Even were BitCoin's protocol not flawed,
even were Mt. Gox' code not something the cat dragged in,
a Mt.Gox employee could always have been cooking the books.

Every financial institution in its right mind, as well as most other kinds of businesses employ forensic accountants.

In Orion Blastar's case, his accountant skipped town with all of Blastar's financial records.

My own experience with accountants - as well as attorneys - is that the world would be far, far better off were I to tear out all their spleens with rusty entrenching tools.

Newly-established software consultants are always advised to find a good attorney and a good accountant. That I myself heeded the hard-won advice of my more-experienced peers is the very reason I was damn near prosecuted for tax evasion by Maine Revenue Services and am now five hundred thousand dollars in debt. Even those of my creditors who really do know my street address understand that it would be a complete waste of their valuable time to ever serve a complaint on me.

Once I clued in to that I should figure out contract law, bookkeeping as well as accounting all on my very own, I haven't had any problems with taxation or overspending. But it's going to be a little while before I can flog enough wares to make good on a cool half-million.


Just about the cruelest, most inhumane financial crime I personally am aware of, is that of the accountant for the Canadian Mental Health Association chapter in downtown Truro, Nova Scotia. The CMHA Clubouse on Prince Street does job training, smoking cessation - Schizophrenics smoke twice as much as do those who are not mentally ill - they operate a commercial kitchen that serves lunch to club members for just one dollar, thereby providing affordable meals, companionship for many who would otherwise be quite painfully lonely as well on-the-job training for the cooks, and it has an extensive library of self-help books.

Suppose United Airlines cut Boeing a check for a brand-spankin'-new 787 only to find it bounced. Funny that.

When something just like that happened to the Truro CMHA, they called in a Forensic Account, managed to clue into that four hundred grand was somehow nowhere to be found, that Forenic accountant paid that clue forward to the local Mounties, and now the Truro CMHA's former accountant is making big ones into little ones.

Just about the single most damnfool, ignorant ill-advised thing any business of any sort could ever do is to grant check signing authority to any of its accountants or bookkeepers.

Every business that has the least little clue employs not a CFO or an accountant, but a Controller. Most democratic governments large and small employ controllers as well. I was dumbfounded to turn up that my old college roommate Ian Mindling once campaigned for election as the Controller of Carson City Nevada.

In a state where gambling is legal, to elect someone like Ian to be Controller, would be like hiring Mother Theresa to operate your House of Ill Repute. Ian's a good guy. He was one of my two business partners along with Chuck Lundquist when the three of us were manufacturing and marketing those PolyFlexes that I YouTubed back in the day.

My good friend Conrad Hull-Seales studied forensic accounting. he also has a Geology degree from the University of California Santa Cruz. Conrad is a real sharp guy. I don't know whether he actually worked as a forensic account as I moved away from Santa Cruz.

I asked Conrad how one practiced it and he replied that for example, in any large sample of correctly maintained financial records, one finds - one can prove this statistically - that the digit "4" tends to be found a certain specific fraction of the time.

If you retained a consultant to audit your company's books she would ask for the password to your QuickbBooks file, dump the whole thing as a CSV then run it through a ten-line tool that would count up the fours, the fives and so on.

If each of the digits are not found the right number of times within the expected random error, then your consultant gets real interested.

Busting a Bernie Madoff, that can take work, as they very finest way to cook books is to be a self-employed forensic accounting consultant, or even to employ other forensic accountants as the owner of a consultancy.

They never did pin a murder rap on Al Capone. See, Capone was just a furniture dealer. It was only forensic accounting that enabled to his prosecution.

I once watched an old black and white movie that while well-done, quite inaccurately concluded with Capone being beaten to death with bricks by his fellow inmates.

In reality, Capone served ten years for tax evasion then lived to a ripe old age in Florida after his release from prison.

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